Working life or life working…

I hate working. Not that I’m lazy. Well, not exactly. But I hate getting up at a certain time, having to go out in whatever weather, drive my truck and spend 8 hours or more doing something I’d rather not be doing but still trying to do it the best I can, and then drive my truck home so I can scurry around trying to get done what needs to get done, and hopefully find time to do something I want to do, and then go to bed so I can start all over again in the morning. And then a good share of what the employer decides to pay me goes to a government I don’t always agree with (at any level), and some more goes to a retirement fund I doubt I’ll ever see, and still more goes to the costs of just getting to that job – vehicle, gas, insurance, maintenance, clothes.

One has to wonder why people work. I mean, really. We all need shelter, but what kind? Is it necessary to have a huge house with lots of expensive stuff – which, in order to afford it, we spend more time away from it (at work) than enjoying it? We all have to eat, but again, how much food is gotten at fast food or restaurants while we’re out doing something that keeps us from that expensive house? We could grow vegetables or learn to eat cheaply at home. Probably more healthy, as well.

But then there are the “things” we want. Huge televisions, iPods, fancy clothes, vacations at the “in” places, a golf cart, toys to spoil the children and make them realize how important it is to work hard and do well at school so they can get a good job and buy more of the stuff we’ve inundated them with throughout their childhood.

I no longer like “stuff”. It clutters up life. Not to mention the house. At one point in my life, I had a lot of stuff. And I lost it all. And I was devastated. Sometimes now I think of something I had and realize it’s gone, and I feel bad, but then I realize also that I hadn’t missed it until that moment, so it wasn’t something I really needed, and maybe even my “want” wasn’t as strong as I had thought when I got it. I have my computer, and some clothes that I’ll probably wear until they fall off my body. I can eat on less than $30 a week, and my monthly living expenses are basically a week’s pay.

And I think in many ways, I’m as happy, and many times even happier, than when I had all that “stuff”.

Stuff begets stuff. The more you have, the more you want. And the more you worry about losing it. And so you work harder, at jobs that you like less and less, until you get older and realize that it really wasn’t worth it. You’re retired – you sell the huge expensive house because you (and partner if you have one) don’t need that much room. You get rid of a lot of the furniture – most of it you realize you didn’t really like anyway (that couch was sooo uncomfortable). The knick-knacks are sold, given away, or thrown – they just gathered dust. You get older, and you want to simplify, enjoy the things you hadn’t had time for before – because you were working so hard to have the stuff that now you find cumbersome.

I almost learned too late. I almost lost my chance to enjoy the things I hadn’t had time for before while I was young enough to *really* enjoy them. Soon, I want to buy an old school bus, or maybe an old RV to refurbish, and then I’ll be able to travel around. Work for a while, here and there, to pay my expenses, and then move on again.

Maybe I won’t have a lot of stuff to leave to my son when I’m gone. I definitely won’t have any money to leave him. But maybe, just maybe, I can teach him one more thing.

Maybe I can teach him that life is now.

Don’t waste it.

 

Writing

I write fanfic – fiction based on characters from a television show, movie, book, whatever. It’s a curious combination of original writing and “borrowing” – much as story-tellers have done for eons, but now prolific thanks to the world of the Internet. And there are so many different reasons for writing – but most seem to feel that it allows them to not only keep alive a favorite, but take their heroes/heroines to greater depths, either character-wise or adventure-wise.

My own began because I renewed an interest in an old show, and, having been away from writing for many years, I saw an opportunity to “ease back” into it, slowly building up my confidence. And it was extremely enjoyable. It was also a lot of work.

Many people disdainfully dismiss fanfic writers as “mere hobbyists”. I wish they knew how much work many fanfic writers go through, trying not to just “have fun”, but trying to delve into the characters and really improve and refine their craft – for writing, of any kind, is a craft. And as with any craft, there are those who do only what is necessary, and those who take it very seriously, and spend hours trying to get that chapter, or even that paragraph, “right”. Maybe the characters are borrowed – but they are also enhanced, and grown, and the stories themselves are taking the originals into new directions and new situations. Not to mention that new truly original characters are introduced, which is particularly difficult to “get right” when one has to make them as real to the reader as the established (and beloved) characters.

As much as “outsiders” may put down and criticize fanfic, there is, unfortunately, almost as much contentiousness within the realm. The conflict between those who write “just for fun” and really aren’t worried about the writing as much as putting their heroes into a different situation. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, except it gives fanfic’s critics more ammunition. There’s also the world of “slash” – putting characters into romantic relationships which, many times, means same sex relationships which were not even hinted at in the original. This puts fanfic writers, in general, in another quagmire, not only with the “outsiders” (GASP! How *dare* they?!?!) but within the ranks – “slashers” do have a tendency to be overly-sensitive about their writing, mistaking honest critiquing of their writing for a put-down of their genre. And, equally bedeviling, some non-slashers tend to color their view of slash with their distress at the genre, rather than the craft. No matter how well-written, they will find something wrong with it.

But in other ways, fanfic writing is no different than “mainstream” writing. Finding someone to give honest critiques in fanfic, compared to finding a good editor in MS. While it’s gratifying to have someone say they love your writing, that’s what you want to hear *after* the draft has been finalized. Which brings me to the point of this posting.

I have been very lucky, in my “fandom”, to have found a critiquing group that knows the difference between a “critique” and a “bashing”, and between honesty and stroking. At least, I thought I had. Now, I’m not so sure. I had a member critique a draft, and was quite “strident” in her objections, not so much to the story, but to the way I had constructed it. While I found her choice of phrasing irritating, she made some good points – and some that simply aren’t relevant to the way I write (I might add that I am not exactly a novice at this). Rather than accept my decisions (which is a focal point of the group – that the writer has the right to accept or reject suggestions), this person decided to withhold further comments – at least, in an open and obvious way. Instead my story was used as an example of a “problem” when another story by another author was critiqued, something that has never been done in that group before. Comments I made in group discussions were misconstrued, and several people in the group apparently did not read my corrections. I felt I had a major-league target on my back. So I dropped out. Temporarily. Hopefully.

The reason I even bring this up here is because my concerns were not adequately addressed in the group – indeed, they were not addressed at all, at least in the “public forum” in which the problems occurred. And I would truly hate to see this sort of thing happen to another writer, where a member decides they like a story idea, but want *their* story written, not the one the author wants to write. I think that’s what occurred here. At least, that’s the only reason I can come up with. My only other choice would be that this person is such a control-freak, they can’t stand it when someone disagrees with them. Neither is very flattering, but at least the former is understandable.

So, in the meantime, I continue to work on the story, although much of the enjoyment has gone, and the excitement of experimenting is in great need of CPR. I have two writers who have agreed to “beta” my work as I progress – one who’s relatively new, but has a wonderfully fresh eye as a result, and another “old hand” whose grasp of the characters is tremendous. Both have always shown an ability to be honest without being crabby, an asset to be sure.

I guess my final take on all of this is that it’s one thing to criticize, but another to critique. If you haven’t read fanfic, try it. If you haven’t found stories worthy of your time – try again. It’s out there, and getting better all the time. And if you don’t like a story, try to be honest with the author as to why, without getting vitriolic. None of us is perfect

 

Weather

Soooo windy here today. My little pomeranian (all 10 pounds of her) was really getting buffeted around, poor little thing. The Minnesota winter is definitely on its way. Busy putting plastic on the windows – can’t see so well out of them but it sure helps the heating bill.

Finally finished The Children’s Hour, my latest fanfic. Did a lot of rewriting on it – I haven’t been writing as much as I used to and it showed in the original version. I’ve been doing a few little things, as well, but mainly finishing that and starting to work out the plot lines for a couple others. Now that I’ve started writing again, I’m mystified as to why I moved away from it for so long. Got too involved in research, I guess. Learned a few lessons from all of it.

 

Dad and 2 brothers

For Veterans Day -

my dad, Army;

brother, Air Force;

brother, Marines.

 

My mom died four years ago today. Love you, Mom.

 

Life, in general

Thinking about the upcoming holidays. A sure way to get depressed. I used to love Thanksgiving and Christmas – the whole family together, once in a while even the siblings from California would make it back, just enjoying each other. Playing marathon Monopoly…

Now, with my folks gone, it’s just me and one brother for Thanksgiving, and then my son comes home for Christmas.  And while that’s great, it’s not the same.

And all that gets me thinking about the way life used to be, the way I thought things would be. I always assumed I’d get married and have a family. Well, got it half right. Went to college, transferred, dropped out, went back years later. Worked here and there, doing this and that. And now I’m sitting here wondering what the hell the rest of my life will be like. Too old for more kids (I always wanted a *big* family), and too jaded for marriage. Don’t really see any point in that now; Mom always talked about the wedding dress she was going to make for me, but she’s gone now; Dad’s gone so he can’t walk me down the aisle. So there’s really no impetus to get married, even if I did find someone who’d put up with me.

So, big deal. I have a few things to get done with the house, and then I’m just going to hit the road again for a while. I’d like to go down to the Gulf after the holidays. Stick the dogs and a sleeping bag in the truck and sleep on the beach.

Right…

 

SNOW!

Just let my two dogs outside and there it was, big as life, littering the yard. Big – no, huge – fluffy flakes settling quietly over everything. I AM NOT READY! Still things to finish outside, and I just don’t like to see it this early. After Thanksgiving is plenty early for me.

 

Signs of winter

Well, saw my first mouse today. Ran across the living room and under the couch. And, no, I didn’t go after it. It’ll end up in the basement, eventually. So, the first real sign of cold weather has appeared. Now it’s time to put out the poison, start battening down the hatches. The outside work is almost done – still have a few leaves and vegetative junk to rake up, some trimming and cutting to do, but otherwise it’s done. So now the inside work starts – plastic on the windows, closing off the upstairs and bunkering down in the four rooms downstairs for the long winter.

Gotta love Minnesota…

 

More writing musing

Well, I recently set up my own website for my fanfic, and I’ve discovered one of the nice things about that (besides having all my stuff in one place) is that if I need to revise the stories, it’s a heck of a lot easier to do there than when it’s posted on other sites. I do want to remember to note the revision dates, though. And when I add stuff. That’s one thing that’s always frustrating when I visit writing websites – people may or may not make a note of a change, or they don’t let you know what’s been added or changed.

I’m going to start on my next story in a few days. Actually I’ve already started it; I’m re-working a very short piece I did back in June to use as the first 2-3 chapters, and then go from there. I do love writing, but it’s getting started that’s always hard. Just trying to figure out what to start out with; once I get the first couple of sentences down, I usually can keep going fairly easily.

One day I’d really love to be able to support myself with my writing. Thank God it doesn’t cost me much to live…

 

Writing

Well, just completed my latest A-Team fanfic, a supernatural/horror type story called The Children’s Hour. It was the first story of that type I’d ever tried, and it seems to have been fairly well received at ATSB. One thing I tried to do, and I think I managed, was to write it in such a way that I can “exchange” TAT characters for originals, and drop some sections that are strictly TAT. Thus, I can go to expand the story, build my own characters, and who knows – have a completely original, and possibly marketable, work of fiction.

Well, what the hell.  Worth trying anyway.